TO LOVE IS A GREAT ADVENTURE.

I have been thinking a lot. I think I've figured out something.


My main thing in life is love. But not necessarily in the way people might think. To some the things I do for love might seem crazy. But to me it all makes sense.


I have always wanted to share my life. Every experience and heart ache and joy and anger and misery and mystery. We do not have to both be there at the time to experience something but I want to share what I have experienced and talk and show and I want my partner to do that too.


I've always felt like life is short and what is the point of waiting. If I feel something now or want to do something now I'd rather do it than wait. If I believe in something it's worth the risk.


So I fall in love and I travel. I move in. I use all my savings. I get my heart broken. I try again.


All of this because I want to share my love of things and life with someone. I want to have a companionship, a partnership, a family. I want to have one person I can count on and they can count on me. We will both experience life differently but we can share it with each other. We will both learn and grow and become different people but we will always be there to lean on and push each other to grow.


I've yet to find this person. But I have been ready since I was born. I have been looking and seeking where to go and what to do and feeling utterly lost many times when I haven't had the answers.


One thing has always been clear and I've felt very strongly about it. I was always meant to travel away from where I grew up and keep travelling. I don't know why. Sometimes I wonder if it's the pull of this other person. Some people might think I'm silly but this is the truth.


I'm not even sure if there is only one person for each person. It's a big world. Maybe there are several. Maybe there isn't any. Maybe it's just finding that one person who wants to work on stuff with you and you connect with in a way that you cannot explain. Maybe it's several people but sometimes it just doesn't work out longer than a month or a year.


Most of my life I have felt like an outsider. I haven't felt connected to many people and it could be the autistic side of me or the Finnish in me but maybe it's also the feeling of not being understood and feeling like I've had to hide a part of myself so I wouldn't be ridiculed. Love to many is such a foolish thing to put all your money in. But to me it isn't foolish. To me it's the only reason to keep living. I will always choose love. Love is my happiness.


So yes I might fall in love fast or I might move in with someone I care about. I might travel to another country to be with someone. I might jump in and get hurt. I might be in relationships most of the time. But that's me. That's me focusing on things in my life that matter to me. People matter to me. Connections matter to me. Helping others matters to me. Love matters to me. It's the greatest thing in most of our lives and yet we give so very little to it.


I don't believe that once I find someone love will fix everything. I do think love is hard work. Two people can make it work if you have the same base and goals and want to grow and learn from each other. If you can understand each other even when you have differences. I believe communication is the key. If you can communicate with someone and express your needs and understand the other persons needs and understand each others core being, then you have a chance.


To some I might not make any sense. But that's okay. I don't have to. That's something I've started to accept and live with. Not everyone will understand me and that's okay. I'm still going to keep making the choices I make and I will still keep believing in people. I will keep my heart open and it's okay if I get hurt. I'd rather get hurt than shy away. Without saying yes and without trusting and without taking chances I wouldn't have all the experiences I have. And to that I am grateful. That I always trusted my heart.